Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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