I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
