When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
