I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
