I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
