guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
