just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
