You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
