Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
