I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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