I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
