i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
