Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
