We're facebook friends in real life
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
