I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
