there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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