Non-Jews are for practice
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
