I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
