Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
