Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
