You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
