your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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