my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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