she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we're so committed to being not committed
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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