...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
