Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
