Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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