we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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