So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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