She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Michael Bay diarrhea
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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