My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
