take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
