She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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