The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
