When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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