you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
