Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
