I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
