She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
