Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
