I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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