Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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