Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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