I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
