My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
