A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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