Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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