Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
