Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
