the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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