I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
be right there i have to get my cape
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
