can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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