Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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