need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
