apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
