I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
