We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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