i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
