theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize