Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Screwed.edu
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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