my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
