i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
