operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
