I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize