i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
