I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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