People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
