some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
