I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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