Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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