the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
