new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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