btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
