tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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