one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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