Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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