I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize