I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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