I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
