I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
