Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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