Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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