Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
