seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
