I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
