Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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