Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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