Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
