I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She made me pour olive oil on her.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
