Will you blow on my dice?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
