I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
