my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
