I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
