Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
