Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
actually, I'm a sock model
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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