From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I still have a little drunk in my system
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
