dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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