Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
