she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
