Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
